California Mother sees the Virgin Mary in her Uncle Ben's Rice

by Virginia Hardwood

It may just be the world’s biggest little miracle.

            Tuesday night in San Bernadino, stay-at-home mother Filomena Quintero was making dinner for her four children.  “It [being a busy mother] kind of just, I don’t know, gels together,” she laughed. “It’s such a strict routine; microwave, mix, microwave, this, that…when something out of the ordinary happens it just throws you off completely.”

            But there truly are no words that can describe what happened just a few hours ago.  Five Priests and two scam artists have confirmed that what Mrs. Quintero saw in her Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice does, indeed, resemble the Virgin Mary. 

            “I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” Father Henry Pattinson of Chico commented. “The whole-wheat facial details…the pepper earrings…even the onion and salsa necklace is beyond belief.  It truly is an edible miracle.”

Mrs. Quintero cooking in her kitchen/bedroom/hallway 

Just moments after local television stations got a hold of the story, Christians from every corner North America flocked to the Quinteros’ tiny two-room apartment in Salvador Plaza.  The Pope is rumored to make an appearance by Friday, and experts predict that in two weeks the Quintero residence will be packed with men, women and children from around the globe.

            Uncle Ben’s has also enjoyed a sharp increase in sales.  “It’s just…a dream come true for us,” a spokeswoman for the company told sources.  She had no idea just how high sales would climb, given another couple of days.

            “Every Uncle Ben’s product sold this week represents two copies of Webster’s Dictionary sold in the past twenty years,” noted statistician Calvin Yates blogged on his website yesterday.

            For her efforts, Mrs. Quintero will be presented with a copy of “The Bible” signed by Mel Gibson as well as a lifetime supply of rice from Uncle Ben’s.  She has also signed a six-figure contract to star in a reality show on ABC, called “Edible Epiphanies with Filomena Quintero.”  The first episode, which sources tell us has been given a working title of “Jesus ate my Nutter Butters,” is already in the works.